My Dad turned 97 on July 22, 2018. We were in the MTC preparing to leave for our mission to Germany. We were able to spend the afternoon with family to celebrate this special man. With 5 children, 29 grandchildren and 79 and counting great grandchildren it was a large gathering of the Haney Clan. Many of the grandchildren were not able to be there. We had a family picture and a nice picnic. I wish we could have gathered together around Grandpa and listened to his memories and stories. He has a greater memory of the past than of current events. We need to hear his stories while he can still tell them. Most people were more excited to play and swim in the water than to honor the man we all gathered to celebrate. He was happy to just sit and watch his posterity and was so grateful to have them together. His only nephew and living relative, Terry Haney, and his wife came to see him. We had not seen him in about 30 years. Shirley Bradshaw and Janet Gardner, nieces on my mother's side also attended.
With his advancing years and the need for additional care, we as a family were faced with looking at new options for his living arrangements. This is not an easy task. Dad always says, "getting old is not for sissy's". We cannot even begin to walk in his shoes - not many can, so we have to do the best we can.
Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley said in one of his last General Conference addresses: "I am now in my 97th year. The wind is blowing, and I feel like the last leaf on the tree." That is probably a good description of how my Dad is feeling today.
In Alma 37:37 it says, "Counsel with the Lord in all they doings, and he will direct thee for good."
As his children, we all knew there needed to be a change made. George and his family had been doing the majority of care giving the past year. We each had helped in our own way during that time and found it took many people to keep his affairs in order and trying to keep his life as "normal" as possible. He lived in Bridgeview Independent living and the residents and staff were very appreciative and amazed at the care he received from his family. Someone was with him every day. We each saw his needs in our own way. George had contacted me and said his family needs were changing and they would need help in caring for him. We had looked at hiring help, but with the cost of living in the nicest facility in Twin Falls to add paid help would be difficult. George knew there needed to be a change, but his idea was to have more family involved daily. That was not really possible with the few that actually live in town and with their family needs. Dad also needs consistency in his care. He has a hard time discerning between family and care givers. He does not expect his grandchildren to be his caregivers. So, we needed to find some other options. We looked at everything Twin Falls had to offer. There were not very many options for assisted living. My sister, Pam, retired from her job and offered to have him stay with her in Utah. Dad did not think that would be a good choice and wanted it to work out where he was. He wishes and thinks he can take care of himself. So, Pam looked at what was available in her area. She found Legacy House in Bountiful. We scheduled for Tad to bring him to Utah and look at it and see if he would be comfortable there. Unfortunately, George and his family were not agreeable to this solution. They assumed things that were not true and tried to stop the move from Bridgeview with no real options, At this point, I contacted my brothers and sisters and asked them to meet together in a family council. I asked them to start with prayer and ask for the Lord's help in coming to a decision. As stated above in Alma, counseling with the Lord in all thy doings allows him to direct us for good! We need all the help we could to make a wise decision.
Pres. Thomas S. Monson said, "We progress by making choices by which we are tested to show that we will keep God's commandments. We have been given agency to choose between alternatives." In 2 Nephi 2, Lehi gives council to his son Jacob: "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, ...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness, nor misery, neither good nor bad." So, it was good to have everyone bring their concerns and ideas to the table and discuss them.
It goes on in 2 Nephi 2:23 to say, ...because it is opposition that enables choice and it is the opportunity of making the right choices that leads to the growth that is the purpose of the Father's plan.
The meeting was held and everyone put their opinions and options on the table. Some came more prepared than others. I was not able to participate, but had given my support to my sisters and brother Tad to be my voice. I have learned so much this week as we have dealt with the decision and also the move. It has been hard being so far away and still responsible for so much of my fathers care. I handle all of the financial decisions and transactions. In church on Sunday, we studied the Conference address by Pres. Russell M. Nelson given in April 2018. I have watched his council and warnings come to fruition as I have watched what has happened in my family this past week.
He said, "When we convene as a Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve, our meeting rooms become rooms of revelation. The Spirit is palpabley present. As we wrestle with complex matters, a thrilling process unfolds as each Apostle freely expresses his thoughts and point of view. Though we may differ in our initial perspectives, the love we feel for each other is constant. Our unity helps us to discern the Lord's will for His Church. In our meetings, the majority never rules! We listen prayerfully to one another and talk with each other until we are united. Then when we have reached complete accord, the unifying influence of the Holy Ghost is spine-tingling! We experience what the Prophet Joseph Smith knew when he taught, "By union of feeling we obtain power with God." No member of the First Presidency or Quorum of the Twelve would ever leave decisions for the Lord's Church to his own best judgment!"
After all of the discussion and options, Dad agreed to go to Utah to check out the facility. Arrangements were made and he was very pleased. He was so happy to see that he would not be the only man at church there. He would be able to attend Church and all of the meetings. He was happy with the room he was able to select out of three choices. There was one choice left in Twin Falls at a new facility. No decisions were made that day as they wanted him to see all choices. He went back to Twin Falls and knew in his heart what would be best for him. The new facility in Twin Falls was nice and new, but it did not have all of the things he could get in Utah. So, a date was set for moving and arrangements were made. George was still not happy with the decision and wanted other options. Even though the Girls in the family did a lot of research and talking with Dad, in the end Dad wanted his "Boys" to make the decision. Dad, George, Tad and Irene were given the opportunity to meet together and discuss what would be. According to Dad and Tad there was a good discussion and honest feelings shared with tears and love. In the end, George and Tad hugged and agreed to the move. So, we felt that prayers had been answered and that counseling as a family was working. Unfortunately, there were family members (grandchildren) who did not know all that was going on or that had been taking place. They had their own opinions and Oh, how the opposition began. It was a very difficult past few days for all of us. I am so grateful for the Tender Mercies that have come my way. Just when I needed strength and support, the right scripture or conference talk would be put before me in my studies and peace and answers would come. I have shared many of those thoughts here today. I am so grateful that I do not need to do this alone. When opposition attacks me individually or my family, it is easy to take offense. It is amazing to take that opposition and see the purpose of it and then move forward for the greater good. I have learned much and know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, guides and directs me. I know I have received answers to my prayers and that can not be taken from me no matter what others say or think. I know that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I know that my Dad will be blessed as he embarks on another new phase of his life. So many of the things that he was concerned about have been laid to rest. His final visit to his Doctors this week confirmed to him that he will have great care in Utah. The next weeks, months and possibly years will not be easy. Each day will bring new challenges to him. With all of our prayers and support he too will be able to do hard things. The opposition we have faced has made us all stronger and allowed us to seek and find inner peace and assurance that our prayers have been answered. As we continue to strive to be obedient and to Come Unto Christ in all that we do, He will direct our paths.
Some use personal reasoning or wisdom to resist prophetic direction and give themselves a label, "the loyal opposition". Good for democracy - No warrant for good in God's government where questions are honored but opposition is not. Some things can only be learned by Faith and a witness from the Holy Ghost. I am grateful for this truth. I am grateful for the lessons learned. I pray for better days ahead and happiness and comfort for my wonderful Dad, George.
No comments:
Post a Comment